The Restless Dead

Last night, after the debate, I headed back to my car, satisfied after a long day at work.  A ten minute drive home and I would be safe in the bosom of my family, with dinner on the table. But it was not to be, for a dark fate awaited me that night.

 As I went down the Rankin steps, I felt a prick at the edge of my awareness, like someone--or something--was watching me.  I stopped, looked around, but no one was there.  I shrugged and went on.

The pricking grew stronger, though, and a flicker of movement in the shadows caught my eye.  A patch of inky blackness stirred, darker even than the surrounding shadow.  I shivered.  Strange things have been known to lurk around Rankin Hall, things that I wanted no part of.

"George..."  A faint whisper carried across the still night air.

Goosebumps prickled my skin.  What business did it have with me? 

"George..."  The voice grew more demanding.  It sounded hollow, like the echo from an empty tomb, like nothing that a living man should have to hear.

I walked faster, trying to put more distance myself and the shade.

"George!"

Shaking, I surrendered to my fate and faced the monster.   

The darkness grew closer, until I could make out lines within it, vertical stripes of white filling the shape of a man.

No, I thought, it couldn't be!

I tried to run, but my feet were frozen with fear.  My mouth opened, but no sound came out.

Still closer the spirit came, confirming my worst fears--it was the shade of Russell Kirk in his thick-striped suit, roused from his earthen bed in Michigan to haunt me this night.

"George."  He called again, impatient.   "Why do you reject me?"

"W...wh...what?"  I stuttered, my voice only a weak reed in the face of his ghastly countenance.

 "Why do you reject my teachings on diversity?"  The graveyard echoes rolled over me.    "Why do you let students speak falsely, saying that bringing in the author of Heather has Two Mommies brings diversity because it represents a non-mainstream view?"

"What do you mean?"  I ventured hesitantly.  "It's a reasonable argument, my colleagues use it all the time.  Diversity should mean bringing in non-mainstream views, and--"

"Sure it's a reasonable argument...at Bob Jones University!"  His mocking laughter sent shivers up my spine.

"But--"

"Idiot!"  In a flash his laughter turned to fury.  Even in life he hadn't suffered fools gladly, and death hadn't improved his temper.  "Did you read anything I wrote?"

"I--" But he wouldn't let me defend myself.  Floating closer, he pressed closer, and a gust of fetid breath struck me as he continued.

"Concrete reality, damn you!  Let the Progressives talk about abstract statistical averages that don't exist anywhere outside their own imagination; conservatives must never forget the concrete reality!" 

"Well, I--"

 "You've seen the "aga1nst" buttons, you've seen the "gay, fine by me" t-shirts, you've seen the anti-amendment rally on campus--how many have you seen supporting the amendment?"

"But that doesn't mean people don't support the amendment.  Maybe they're just staying quiet because people might take it as anti-gay harassment and charge them under the speech code--"

"So if the school only tolerates one side's speech, the "diverse" thing to do is pay some one to support that side?"  He sneered.

 "Wait." I temporized.  "We can test this.  Empirically."

He looked skeptical, but didn't interrupt.

"The election on May 8.  We can look at the election results from Appalachian's voting precinct.  If Amendment 1 passes in this precinct, then we can say they're right, the "diversity series" actually does bring diversity to campus.   And if the amendment loses, then we know that by bringing in speakers like the Heather has Two Mommies author, the "diversity series" just preaching to the choir, chanting the same mantra as everyone else."

"And?"  He asked.

"If they really believe what they said in class."  I went on.  "They should believe Amendment 1 will win at Appalachian."

"So let them take responsibility for their beliefs.  Let them bet their grade on it.  As many points as they want--to gain if the vote goes one way, and lose if it goes the other."

"So if Amendment 1 loses in this precinct, they lose whatever points they bet?"  I looked skeptical.

"If your students really believe that bringing those speakers to campus brings diversity, they must be confident they'll win.  Why not give them a chance to prove they're right?"  He lowered his voice to a seductive whisper.  "They can upstage the professor and get a better grade.  What could possibly be wrong with that?"

"But that might mean taking points away from students.  That wouldn't be...nice"  I protested weakly, fighting the foul spirit's temptation.

"Nice?!"  The tempter's mask fell away, revealing the cauldron of seething cantankerousness within.

"Is that what you think teaching is?!  Shielding them from the consequences of their beliefs, like they were little children?   Shouldn't you be teaching a class on Progressivism instead?" He jeered.

"Alright!"  I growled, stung by his mockery.   "I'll do it.  I'll let students bet however many points they want on the outcome of the Amendment 1 vote in the Appalachian State precinct.  Heck, I'll do you one better, you old bastard, I'll give them 3:2 odds that the amendment will fail in this precinct."

Russell Kirk leaned back, crossing his arms across his ghostly chest.  As he faded from view, the crossed stripes of his chest and sleeves lingered like a net, one in which he had neatly entrapped me.

"And as you go about your days and works, remember.  I am the voice of tradition, and you will never, ever, be free of me."  

I gulped, imagining that hideous presence watching and judging me.   What had I done to deserve this curse?  I asked myself. 

With a last shudder, I hurried to my car and turned on all the lights.  For a long time I sat there, breathing deeply and waiting for my heart to slow.   Only when I was sure his undead presence had vanished completely did I set out for the warmth of hearth and home.

[OOC: if you really believe the argument about diversity, you can make it real in the comments section.   Announce how many points--out of the ones you've earned so far--you want to bet.  If Amendment 1 wins a majority in the ASU precinct, you keep those points and I'll add 150% of the number to your total.  If Amendment 1 gets less than a majority in the ASU precinct, you lose all the points you bet.]